Adults: Encouraging Children to Talk about Being Bullied
Help Kids Understand their Rights
Telling an adult that you are the victim of bullying is a very difficult thing for children; they may fear for their safety, think the bullying will get worse, be afraid that they will not be accepted in the “group,” or worry that the adults in their lives will not take them seriously. Listen to their concerns, let them know that you are sharing this load with them, and you will be acting to help them. Reassure them that speaking up is a brave and an intelligent act: it’s their RIGHT to tell, and that it is the RIGHT thing to do.
Recognize that You Are Needed
Telling a caring adult about incidents of bullying is the best way a child can stop the bullying. Children who are singled out as victims of bullying need assistance to change the power imbalance and improve their situations. You are the child’s best way to a safer, happier, healthier life beyond bullying.
Learn about Bullying and Understand the Issue
Bullying is a very serious, daily problem for many children. Bullying takes many forms, but all of it is harmful — to the child who is being victimized as well as the child who is bullying. Bullying can lead to real emotional and physical trauma.
Thankfully, there are good resources available to help you help a child. “Tell Someone” is the third in a series of bullying messages produced by Concerned Children’s Advertisers. The previous messages also have accompanying valuable information, tips, tools and strategies that may add to your own tool kit to help you engage in meaningful discussions about bullying behaviour with children. See these resources at cca-kids.ca. You can also check out bullying.org for more info.
Keep the Lines of Communication Open
Children need to know that they are not alone. They need to have someone who will listen to them on any topic, including bullying. Remind them of this frequently.
Give Children your Full Attention
When children approach with statements such as “I’ve got something to tell you,” or “There is something I need help with,” let them know that you are receptive to their concerns by giving them your full attention. Talking about a bullying situation is difficult for children. Try your best to listen attentively at the time that the child chooses to speak.
Encourage Kids to Keep Talking
No person is perfect, and something can always distract us, even when kids need us most. Remind children in your circle that even if you are distracted, you still care and want to be there for them. Encourage them to keep trying for your attention when something really matters to them.
Help Kids Identify what Matters to Them
Some children can be very open about what is going on in their lives and talk about everything that happens, making it difficult to discern the big moments in their lives from the little ones. Consider setting up a triage system, or “Upset Scale”, where children are asked to rate their concern about a situation from 1 to 10, where 1 is a trivial situation, and 10 is one that is of great concern. Use the system often, so that children are comfortable identifying the severity of each situation and it is available when needed.
Give Them your Word
Children may fear repercussions from others and may preface their story with “If I tell, you have to promise me that you won’t…” They may not want you to tell the principal or teacher, the parents of the children involved, etc. Be aware, that if a child is coming to you for help, he or she is expecting you to take some form of action. Let them know that while you cannot promise to do nothing, you will listen very carefully to their problem and that you can promise them that you will do the best thing for all concerned, to address the situation.
Watch for Changes
As the Concerned Children’s Advertisers’ message “Tell Someone” illustrates, children experience the effects of bullying throughout their day, not only in the moment the bullying is happening. Watch for symptoms that children in your care are experiencing problems that they haven’t shared yet. Look for unusual behaviours, such as not eating, withdrawing from activities, not wanting to go to school, unusual sleep patterns, etc.
Nurture Positive Relationships
Researchers tell us that a child who has at least one good friend is less likely to feel lonely and isolated and less likely to experience on-going bullying. Think about the children of friends or colleagues that may have common interests with your child. Set up opportunities for them to get together and see if there is a potential for friendship. When a child develops friendships, do all you can to nurture them.
You can “Tell Someone”, Too
Adults too can feel baffled when trying to undo a bullying situation for a child they care about. Talk to other adults and get ideas and assistance. Teachers, principals, other parents and community leaders are good places to start. There is also help available at Parent Help Line at 1-888-603-9100. It’s important that we talk about bullying to make a better world for all kids.